I like being active and I like writing, so blogging about fitness makes sense.
But I have to confess, I feel like a fraud a lot of the time.
I often feel like a fraud when I go to events. I enjoy going because I like meeting people and having the opportunity to try out new things. But surrounded by long-legged lovelies, I feel like I don’t belong. In exercise classes when everyone is effortlessly bounding along in perfect synch, I’m the one sweating and going left when everyone else is going right.
I’m the one who asks for a size large t-shirt. I don’t have a flat stomach. I have that dreaded chub-rub where my thighs touch. When I’m dripping with sweat and struggling to keep up, I feel like I’m fraud, like I don’t belong and I wonder why the hell I’m even there. And yes, I will go to the pub after and have that beer.
I should add, NO event organiser has ever done anything to make me feel inferior. Most of this is in my own head.
The time that really stands out to me as feeling like a fraud was at a press event in the summer. We were led out on a run and I’m not stupid, at an event for fitness writers, I know I’m likely to be the slowest one there. Knowing this, I went and asked what the pace was going to be.
It’ll be easy, don’t worry.
But what is easy to one person isn’t easy for another. What’s easy for one person is a huge achievement for another. At this point, my fastest 5k of the year was 32 minutes. I explained that. Once again, I was reassured it was easy.
Off we went. I was running at 9.30 m/m pace and was struggling to keep up, falling further and further behind, breathing hard and sweating. The others were effortlessly gliding along, taking photos, chatting.
I felt terrible.
My running has improved a lot since then. But the feeling of being a fraud in the fitness blogging world still hangs over me.
I’m not really interested in supplements. I’m not fussed about protein powder. I’m a size 14 with a “mum-tum” (shudder, hate that phrase) and a c-section pouch. I’ve also completed two marathons with a third round the corner. I don’t find it easy, but I do enjoy moving and being in control of my body after last year is something that is so important to me.
I just want to encourage people to be healthy. Don’t deprieve yourself, have a slice of cake sometimes. Just try to move around, make healthy lifestyle choices and have fun doing it.
A friend of mine once told me that she was scared to go out and run in case people laughed at her. I have that fear too. Because it happened to me. I tried not to let them win by going out and running and finishing the race. But the fear is still there.
The secret fear of this fitness blogger? Being laughed at for not being very fit.
For anyone scared of going out and moving – go out there and do it. You’re doing something that most people aren’t. And for that, you’re awesome. You’re not alone in the fear.